What do you do when all your friends are pregnant or just had babies?
I thought it was hard when I watched everyone get married…
There are few things I have wanted more than anything—for a very long time. One such thing is marriage, a life partner or soulmate; motherhood is another.
After so many years of celebrating with others, I find it hard to share the joy. Instead I am reminded of the voids in my life. The voids that seem to involve unconditional love. Not only do I feel an overwhelming sadness wash over me, I feel the stress of hiding my sadness in a time when I should feel happiness and the guilt at the happiness that I should be feeling and sharing but can’t seem to muster.
Oh, I fear I am not such a good friend these days while dreams of motherhood slip through my grasping fingers like sand.
People ten years my junior who know absolutely nothing about my life give me unsolicited advice.
Sigh, I wonder if they notice my face twitching in annoyance.
Australia / New Zealand
Sometimes you feel like….
I have been in a relationship for two years out of the last twenty-two. Typically I date someone briefly over one of the months in summer. It seems to be an annual occurrence that ends faster than the season. Each time, my hopes of finding a soulmate wither like the leaves in Autumn. The disappointment overwhelming.
So many years alone does something to a person. One becomes a bit less tolerant. Life’s responsibilities become a bit heavier on the shoulders and space more difficult to navigate. Too many years alone means smiling sometimes hurts and the sound of my own laughter foreign.
Doesn’t it make one stronger? Yes and no. Tougher on the outside but oh so fragile inside…
Next time you encounter someone who is difficult to understand, reserved or closed off, consider the situations. Perhaps life has simply led them into involuntary solitude.